For those of you who aren’t familiar with me, let me introduce myself. My name is Angela Cherai. I am a thirty-something year old freelance Content Writer/Copywriter and podcaster with my own podcast called “Confidence Conversations” that I launched last summer. I wanted to create a space where I could have conversations with successful women who would share how confidence played a role to get them to where they are today and I would share my experiences as well. Prior to launching the podcast, I would blog and vlog about my life and all of its ups and downs and wanted to create avenues where I could connect with others in a more personal setting. I have never had any issues discussing what was going on in my life and I always strived to be open about everything from my struggles to my breakthroughs and although I’ve had missteps along the way, I felt confident (see what I did there!) that I was heading on the right path. Then 2020 came and the COVID-19 pandemic came with it and it turned my life (and the world obviously) upside down.

Picture this. It’s late March 2020 and I am 5 months in to a relationship with someone who I met online. Things are going well but because of the severity of Corona, he has to quarantine for 2 weeks because he may have been exposed at work. Two weeks become a month because of other personal issues in his life and I am feeling somewhat neglected even though it was purely unintentional on his part. Combine those feelings with living at home with a high strung, always on the edge mother and an autistic brother who requires constant supervision and the inability to go to work or anywhere because everything is shut down. As someone who has had anxiety when things get to be overwhelming, the possibility of contracting Covid and becoming really sick has me on edge. Panic attacks become more frequent and I feel trapped not only mentally but physically because I literally have nowhere to go and nowhere to escape.  I had been going to therapy for 2 years at this point and virtual sessions help a little but this was something that I couldn’t control or change and feeling helpless made me feel useless and as a result, my anxiety increased while my motivation decreased and I couldn’t figure out what to do to get out of my own way.

It would be easy to say that the tips and techniques that my therapist shared with me was the way I pushed through it but that would be a lie. While therapy did help, I realized that there were self-destructing habits that were always underneath the surface and the pandemic just made them more prominent in my mind. Catastrophizing (to imagine the worst possible outcome of an action or event) was something I always did and because of all of the sickness and death that came as a result of COVID, it increased tenfold. My mom did not help matters because her mind always went to “worst case scenario” and sharing my feelings would only make her more anxious and worried about my well-being so I had to think of another way to deal with my anxiety in a positive way. Talking to my boyfriend about everything I was feeling helped because he also shared how he was struggling with all of the changes which let me know that I wasn’t alone. I also saw how people who were close to me lost their loved ones including a friend of mine who lost her mother so it reminded me to be grateful because tomorrow isn’t promised but to make the most of every moment and truly live with gratitude and appreciation instead of fear and doubt. 

There wasn’t an “epiphany” moment but a set of moments that helped me get back on track and therapy is like a “tune up” of sorts that keeps the engine that is my brain running smoothly (for the most part!). I still struggle with anxiety and motivation but therapy and my support system helps me through those moments. For anyone who is experiencing similar feelings and emotions, don’t hesitate to talk to someone whether it be a therapist or someone close to you and remember that you are not alone. Life is not a race to the finish line so focus on getting yourself back on track and getting back to the you that you are destined to be!