I have always had an issue as it relates to thinking about the worst possible outcome in any situation in my life. When things are going good, I find something wrong or something that can go wrong and instead of feeling happy and optimistic, I feel dread and pessimistic. I know that my thoughts are a reflection of how I feel about myself and my future and without realizing it, I was sabotaging myself. Negative thoughts lead to negative actions or in my case, inaction and in order to change the way I viewed myself and my life, I had to get to the bottom of why I felt the way I did.

After taking a long look at myself and thinking about my history, I realized that I have always been waiting for the other shoe to drop sort of speak. My mother has always been the type of person to automatically assume that everything was going to go wrong and I think she did that in order not to be disappointed. When you grow up thinking that happy times are few and far in between and that disappointment is normal, it becomes part of your being. You hope for the best but expect the worst and when the worst comes, it feels as normal as breathing. What I am finally realizing is that expecting the worst to happen damages your emotional well-being. You can’t be happy for any accomplishments made because this voice inside your head is telling you that it can be taken away from you at a moment’s notice. Relationships that are going well seem to good to be true and if things happen to end, its because of something you did because of inadequacies somewhere within your life. The mind is a powerful thing and your mindset can be the difference in seeing a positive situation as something to be proud of and worth holding on to or something that is temporary and fleeting. Self-sabotage leans towards the latter but I am learning that you can change your mindset slowly but surely by focusing on the present and moving forward instead of dwelling on the past.

I suffer from anxiety and one part of my anxiety is ruminating thoughts. These thoughts have definitely help me self-sabotage in the past but now that I aware of my behaviors, when the negative thoughts come to my head, I recite affirmations out loud that are positive and I focus on the positive things in my life and how I deserve the good that is coming my way. I am learning that I have to work my way through it and not go to the familiar place of dread and fear. Most importantly, I do not strive for perfection but progress. Every day that goes by where my anxiety decreases means that there is a day where I feel that I’ve been good to myself and the reward is the positive things that are coming my way. While I know that there will be times where struggle and opposition, how I respond to those situations will be a precursor to the rest of my life. In the past, I chose to respond by feeling down and out but now I am working on not letting one moment define my life. For every win I have, I accept it and use it to motivate me in the future. For every moment where I may feel like I have lost, I use the experience as a lesson and learn from it. Changing my mindset and approach is the best way of conquering self-sabotage and while I am not where I want to be, I am a lot further than I once was and because of that, I am already winning!